Church, the person who is not like you in your congregation is not just a free babysitter for date night, the one to help you wrangle your kids during member meetings, or those missing out on a more sanctifying or satisfying life because of what they have or do not have.
God has graciously dealt each of his children the circumstances they have found themselves in. I am a single woman in a church nearing 40 members. We are made up of young and old, married and single, with children and without. The question I want to ask, though, is should our “season of life”, or better said our given lot by God, be the thing that defines how we view one another or seek to encourage one another? There are too many things in this world that already seek to tear down the beautiful unity held between an old single man in his 70s and a young family with 3 children for us to emphasize it even more within the church. Right, we want to look different as we are unified with those who are unlike us, in particular I’m writing about life circumstance in relation to marriage and children, but I am proposing that this should not be what we focus on. Should sermon applications be for kids who sit in the service, singles who aren’t yet married, married people without children, and tired parents of children? I want to say no with nuances. But first I want to say no.
Why no? In short, because my heart as a young single woman desiring marriage and the heart of a married sister 10 years older than me desiring children and the heart of a married woman 20 years older than me with 5 children desiring them to believe in Christ are not all that different. We could be defined as “those who are waiting”. Sadly, more often than not a sermon application might sound more like “for the singles in the room who have found themselves with ample time throughout the week, why don’t you use it to serve a family in the church?”, or “for those without kids, is your marriage displaying the Gospel in this season of more focused time on one another?”. These aren’t horrible questions, but I think they don’t get to the heart well. If we believe that we are not defined by what we have or do not have (thinking of Alan Noble’s You Are Not Your Own), why are we so quick to divide based off those very things within the church?
In any circumstance we find ourselves in, I think it’s too easy to look at our neighbor, who has been given something different, and think “well that is certainly easier/better/not as good as what I’ve been given”. I think this goes beyond just assuming singles have ample time to babysit, that families need great help because their life is chaos, and married couples are wanting to watch your kids because they don’t have their own. This is what I see in my context sometimes. I think the belief underneath, though, is that what we have is better and simultaneously worse than what the next person has because we have misplaced treasures and desires.
I have heard many things said about both marriage and singleness in the last couple of years that are coming from well-intentioned brothers and sisters that simply miss the mark on what is true. So, what should the sermon applications be and how should we try to view one another in light of our obvious circumstances? I think it’s a beautiful thing when I can be relating to others in my church who are walking through a trial, fighting sin, or in a joyful season of ministry, regardless of their age, gender, or nationality. This unifies and means a lot more than just blanket statements about what a group of people has or does not have. I want to love single and married people in my church by meeting practical needs, not assumed ones, by encouraging them in their spoken struggles, not assumed ones, and showing ample grace as we get this wrong again and again. As we persevere anticipating Christ’s return, single brothers and sisters are not lower on the steps of sanctification because they live without a spouse or kids. Married people with children are not necessarily seeping in wisdom because they have years of raising kids. Hardships come into every single Christians life until we die and are with him, or until he returns. Scripture indeed lays out roles and obligations for those in different seasons and I am not arguing with this. I haven’t mentioned this much because I believe that the Bible’s authority on this is final. What I am saying, though, is that the will of God is our sanctification-- every Christian, until glory. I’m not single and dancing in the hallway until God brings me a husband by closing a door and opening a window. I am living a full and abundant life, even without the desires of my heart, because Christ lives and intercedes for me and my worth is found in him alone. My married friends desiring children but without are not defined by what they do not have. My married friends with children are not defined by what they do not have.
May we rejoice our names are written in the Book of Heaven. This is sufficient.